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楞严经卷三
ds73
Mom was telling me about this auntie whom has lost her mind. She wonder why would somebody lost her mind, which reminds me of a Buddha teaching I read about. A lot of us will say it's Karma, it's cause and effect, she is paying her due but in fact it's how nature works there is not connection or relation to sin, crime or elements.

十八界法包括:六根、六尘、六识。

六根:眼如葡萄、耳如荷叶、鼻如悬胆、舌如半月、身如肉桶,
意根是心,是无色根.

六尘:色、声、香、味、触、法。

六识:眼识、耳识、鼻识、舌识、身识、意识。

This scripture Buddha explains reality and unreality.

He understands people tends to relate misfortunate, events and relationships. In actual fact, a lot of these matters are our preception and will - it's all relate to our experience, our upbringing, our limited knowledge of things.

He explains how we uses our 5 senses to create an "experience" and these "experience" defers from differ individuals creating different understand. Yet, truth does not differ thus your "experience" is merely an illusion trap by your own limitation. Many of times, events happens and we think it's related, yet not understanding the world is so inter-related.

Each of the elements have it's own nature and pure, just like each cell in our body does not have any "intent" doing it's part. Yet, because limited by our 6 senses, 6 feelings, 6 understanding of the world. We tend to think events happens around us, for us.

识性没有来源,它是因为眼、耳、鼻、舌、身、意等六种根尘的妄起而生发。你现在看法会中众人,你的目光所及之处,历历遍照,就像在镜中观物,并没有分别。可是,你的识性却从这当中一一分别析解,这是文殊,那是富楼那,这是目犍连,那是须菩提,那是舍利弗等等,一一可以指示出来。这个识性了然知解种种事物,它是从观见这里生出,还是从物相这里生出,或者是生于虚空之中,或是无因而起突然而现?阿难,如果你的识性生于观见之中,那么,如果没有明暗,没有色空,也就没有观见,没有观见,识性从何而发生?如果识性生于物相之中,那么,识性既然不从观见中生出,就不能观见到明,也不能观见到暗,明暗都不显现,也就没有色相、空相,如果没有这些物相,识性又从哪里生发出来?如果识性生于虚空,那么,没有相就没有观见,没有观见就无从辨别,那就不能了知明、暗、色、空等等。没有物相,也就没有种种可以依缘的,你的见阗觉知也就没有地方安立。在观见和物相都无的情形下,虚空就等于空无,既使虚空是实有,不同于一般事物,纵然生发起你的识性,又怎样才能将它分别安立起来呢?如果你的识性是无因而起突然而现,那么,你为什么不会将太阳看作是月亮呢?你再详细审视,观见依托于眼睛,物相是从物境中推出,有相即可有物的形状,没有相就只是空无。它们都有依托,而识性却是从哪里生发出来呢?识性是生发启动的,观见则如镜照影,是澄然静止的,他们既不能相和也不能相合,见闻觉知也是如此。所以说,识性并无其依缘之处,它无从自己生发启动。如果识心本来无从生起,那么了别、见闻、觉知等等原来都是圆满湛静的,都是无从生起的。识心、觉见与虚空,以及地、水、火、风等,合在一起叫做七大,它们都是圆满湛静的,都是如来真性,本来无生无灭。阿难,你的心粗糙浮动,不能悟解到见闻觉知生发出认知了别,这些原来都是如来自性真如的妙用。你应当谛观,涉及到见闻、虚空、地、水、火、风这些方面的识心,它们是相同还是相异?是空还是有?是不相同还是不相异?是非空还是非有?你不知道在如来自性中,识心的真性即是本明真知,觉知妙明即是本于自性的真识,它们妙觉湛然不动,盈满世间一切,蕴涵吐纳十方虚空世界,它们没有固定不动的处所,仅仅是循顺著众生的业力而造作生发。世间的人们迷悟无知,以为它是因缘和合而生,是自在自为的。这些都是识心分别计度的结果,只要有所言说,都无真实义。

Dharma - 楞严经
ds73
就像有人向人指示月亮,这人就应当依著这指示去看月亮,如果只以手的指示就以为是月亮,那么这人不仅看不到月亮,也看不到那手的指示了。为什么?因为这人以指向月亮的手为月亮,这又不仅是看不到手的指示,这也是不能识别明和暗。为什么?因为这人以手的指示为月亮的明亮性质,虽然手的指示和月亮的明与暗是孑然分明的,可是这人却不能了解这些。你也是这样。如果你以听我说法的心为你的本心,那么这个心就是与我所说的法音有分别的心,这个心自此就有了分别性。譬如客人寄宿旅店,住了又走了,不会常住不走,可是旅店的主人却不会走,因为他是掌持人。心也是这样,你的真实之心没有地方可去,哪还说什么,离开了听说的声音这心就没有了分别性?这哪里只是听到声音使这个心生出分别性,就是其它,比如能分别我的容颜的心,离开了所见容颜,也没有分别性。离开一切形质世界,就没有心的分别性,心没有分别,那么一切分别都没有了,既没有住在形质器物世界,也不是住在空无所有之上。像拘舍离那些外道,并不能明了这个真理。其实离弃一切认知缘物,心就不生分别,而你的心就会返还到本来的地方,这时,你的心就是主人了。

If i were to bring you to see the moon, my hand point at a object and say "Moon". U follow my hand and look at this object you identify as "Moon" but our understanding of the "Moon" will differ as you see something which you think is the "Moon" yet our understanding of this matter defer. That is why if you do not understand something even when I show you the "truth", after which I have gone you may not understand it cause this "truth" is not understood by yourself. A lot of things in this world happens this way, people follows what others say, yet not understand the real truth. In the end, you do not understand and trap in blindness - and go back where you originally believes.

That is why truth is not something to "talk about". One must understand and the "heart" must be in the right place to be in sync with the facts. If one experience through their 6 senses, if one where to view the subject through their mind, what they understand, what they use to understand, what they think they understand could create a different preception regarding truth.

That is why to understand "truth" , your "heart" must be in the right place.

What is the purpose of seeeking the "truth"? To free yourself or just to "understand" it.

pessimism vs optimism
ds73
Defensive pessimism is a strategy used by anxious people to help them manage their anxiety so they can work productively. Defensive pessimists lower their expectations to help prepare themselves for the worst. Then, they mentally play through all the bad things that might happen. Though it sounds as if it might be depressing, defensive pessimism actually helps anxious people focus away from their emotions so that they can plan and act effectively. - I think this is what I am.

I am glad I have somebody whom is Strategic optimism is typically used by people who aren't anxious. Individuals using this strategy set high expectations, and then actively avoid thinking much about what might happen.

No wonder we survived 17 years and continue to strive but these days I think my character has rubbed off-him. He is becoming more and more like me and only thing he retain is setting high expectations on me.

That is usually how we actually quarrel when he demands me to fulfill his dreams becos the grey area is there - his dreams, my dreams = our dreams.

Getting the balance right.

Death like angels
ds73
"eat and sleep and shun
your mother she's the one
who gets all your goats
and herds them up two hills
with rotten oats

apple orchard goat
the place you loved the most
your holy frightened ghost

your heart they liked the meat
it was too tough to eat
to chew and grind with teeth
to chew and grind with teeth
your love zombies

and all those men you beast
you beast
you beast
you beast
gentle men are we" - Chris Garneau

I was introducing my love on the latest "art-work" which is from Hannibal's episode "Death like Angels".

I thought it was beautifully done to the extend that I feel it was a "art" piece.

He did not appreciate it and states how that image tainted his mind and corrupt his thoughts.

I suddenly remember a song by Chris Garneau "Love Zombies", just like his voice which pierce into my soul.

A good piece of "art" does the same.

SG Gay Confessions? What?
ds73
A boy wrote this :

When I first came out as a gay person at 18, there was nothing more that I wanted than a boyfriend. It was a great stop to me, and was the point of being gay - to find love and settle down with someone I truly love; the crux of a fairytale, the ideos of a young person.

But I soon realized how childish my fantasy was. In my pursue for love, I got rejected and ignored countless times, and due to my, embarrassingly so, desperation for love, I got taken advantage of on many occasions.

For example, I would never forget the first time I had sex with someone who had a boyfriend; I thought he wanted and liked me, and that it would be okay to have sex with him, but I found out after that he's already attached.

Over the years, the things I feel were taboo to me have slowly begun to become something normal, e.g. sex with attached guys, looking for fun etc. I wonder if I've changed or if it's just the real me coming out with all these explorations.

Anyways, I've reached a point where I realized that my dreams back then when I was 18 can never be fulfilled and I surely was angry about it in the past, but I think it's okay now. I think it's okay if I don't fall in love, I think it's okay if I don't have a boyfriend, I think it's okay if I have sex when I feel horny, I think it's okay like this.

I'm not sure if it's wrong, or if there's a thinking that gay people should think but this feels fine. Maybe I would be happier if I were in a relationship but no one can ever tell you an absolute answer for something as uncertain as the future.

Plus, I'm not a typical young Singaporean gay guy. I'm not lean, fit, handsome, rich or charming. On the contrary I'm your typical local guy; obese, poor, just living his life. I'm trying to lose weight and I think that's the next point I want to cover.

That when I first started, I thought no one liked me because I was fat (labeled as a chub) and those who do (labeled as chasers) were always attached that I gave up on the idea of a beautiful relationship like that. And because of that I strived to lose weight, so people can like me.

I continued with such self-loathe until recently when I was enlightened, perhaps by age, that that isn't the way, and that I've never succeeded simply because I was overcome by anger and revenge; to show people I can, to make people eat their words and regret... while powerful as they appear to be, they're useless as motivation to a healthy lifestyle.

I'm still losing weight now, not because I want people to regret, not because I want to be loved, but because I can. And because I want to tell myself that yes, I am quite a disciplined person. It's amazing how a changed mindset can really help; I've lost 23kg so far, and I've recently headed to the gym to tone up. I like how my life is going now and I like the kind of motivation I have. I may not have a boyfriend; in fact my ideals now are very much different from back then, but I believe in one thing - that everything happens for a reason.

The gay community is sadly superficial, and you can never think of being somebody if you aren't handsome, rich, fit and interesting. But who said you had to be somebody, when all you need to be honestly, is yourself?

I hope everyone who reads this realizes that and don't be like me, who took too long to learn this and had too many regrets. That you should never conform to others and never to compromise the real you for the sake of pleasing others.

I am 21 this year and it has been 3 years since I've come out as a gay man. Many things have happened, and many things have changed. But I stand as I am now, and I will go on walking into the future. I'm not afraid because I've love from my friends, my family (my parents don't know I'm gay but let's keep it at that for now...), and most importantly, from myself.

Who said you need to have a boyfriend to be in love? I already feel in love as it is. :)

"I have no confidence to live a life without love."

- Then he tag on FB and say "hope this doesn't bigot of me but my first entry!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was speechless.

I mean I admire his guts but I feel what does all these actually achieve? Is this a form of validation that one is walking the right path?

People sometimes needs to understand that life is a mirror.

You can never find love, if you never understood it in the first place and how to understand something that you can't find in the first place? It's all in the state of mind.

Empathy
ds73
"Empathy is the capacity to recognize emotions that are being experienced by another sentient or fictional being.

Empathy has many different definitions. These definitions encompass a broad range, from caring for other people and having a desire to help them, to experiencing emotions that match another person's emotions, to knowing what the other person is thinking or feeling, to blurring the line between self and other." - Wikipedia

I always try to walk in people's shoe and try to empathize with situations but empathy can do more then that.

Sometimes when u have the ability to empathize somebody, u have the ability to understand them, to psychoanalysis their behave, to predict while some even control the other being.

A different level of empathy is to become "fakey plastic" that is when provide comfort without "being in the situation" which you can find with most psychologist or social counselor.

The balance of it all is very hard to pursuit.

You see, we justify our actions with logic but most of the time we act with emotion.

"In most persuasive situations, people react based on emotions, then justify their actions with logic and fact."

I use to tell my friends much logical reasoning when they faces a problem or have situations.

Even when myself is presented a situation , I whine to them but I guide myself via logic but it was also such behavior most friends thinks I am insensitive and have a lack of empathy.

They do not understand that it was because I am a friend, I choose to present them the most logical solutions which is usually least painful.

Yet, I was am now convince most of my friends doesn't want solutions - all they want from me was some empathy, some emotional comfort even if it doesn't solve any of their problems or provide them any answers.

I know empathy win hearts, I know what Daniel Goleman wrote.

"In his book Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman asserts that understanding emotions is more pertinent to leading a successful life than having a high intelligence. Often people of high IQ struggle at work because of their weaknesses in fundamental human relation skills. Goleman calls this skill "emotional intelligence." He emphasizes that emotional intelligence largely determines our success in relationships, work, and even physical wellness. Emotional intelligence "is a type of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one's own and others' emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use the information to guide one's thinking and actions."[7] Emotional intelligence includes emotional management, personal motivation, empathy, self-awareness, and social skills."

An entry for my soul.

流金岁月
ds73
"我在你身边,我们是最好的朋友,我不在你身边,我依旧牵挂着你,我们不常联系,但一联系就会又说不完的话,此生,有你足够。"

多少人明白友情?

我青春期时喜欢看亦舒, 倪匡的书.听张国荣,梅艳芳的歌. 今天有人张国荣,梅艳芳死了也要十年了我才明白"流金岁月"的意思.

亦舒的《流金岁月》的主题不是爱情,是友情。 同性之间的深厚友情,我曾经一度也有。今晚我想起我三个老友 - 每个新年我还去sam的家, 阿伟我只是检查他的FB, 只有国平不知道他的消息.

大部分人在成年后,在选择了不同的生活道路后,便分道扬镳各自前行,话题渐少联系渐少,曾经再亲密再深厚的感情,也都成为过去式。

小学, 中学, 大学前的朋友 - 我只想说,我永远不会忘记你和你的友谊。

p/S: Andy really looks like 国平, i wonder if that's the reason......

Living a life of luxury?
ds73
Today I heard the weirdest logic of my life somebody says "I dun have money in my bank right now to repay all my loan but I have enough money to cover me for a few months if I were to be retrench or out of job. Where did my saving comes from? It came from the 10 years loan that I took."

What happen to saving up then buy something which you can afford?

With the ONLY exception of housing - i really don't consider anything in life so important that without it my life would be incomplete.

It really shows the mindset of Singaporeans and current generation.

The Truth about Love
ds73
The songs selection by P!nk for her new album was really "The Truth about Love".

I particularly like the song "Try" the first part sings

"Ever wonder about what he's doing
How it all turned to lies
Sometimes I think that it's better to never ask why
Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try try try
Gotta get up and try try try
You gotta get up and try try try"

I totally agree - where there is PASSION, someone's bound to get BURN.

This bitter sweet taste make us wants to TRY again and again.

"Funny how the heart can be deceiving
More than just a couple times
Why do we fall in love so easy
Even when it's not right
Ever worried that it might be ruined
And does it make you wanna cry?
When you're out there doing what you're doing
Are you just getting by?
Tell me are you just getting by by by"

So instead of getting by, afraid of getting hurt - why don't give it a TRY?

The Bizarre Theatre
ds73
These days when I am free instead of calling a friend I prefer to watch a horror movie instead.

I guess this is my own time alone, and once when Andy was out whole day - I watched 4 horror movie in a row.

There is a lot of horror but few left any impression on me after watching them because most of them don't make you think and tons are crappy shit like example "REC 3: Genesis" - which gives me headache, "Slices of Life" - which my grandma can act better, "TOMIE UNLIMITED" - which I am not sure I suppose to cry or laugh abt it.

Anyways, I came across "The Bizarre Theatre" which is made of 6 short films and the last short film "Sweet" reminds me of a stage play type of setting - especially in the beginning where the male and female lead were talking to each other. Like a stage play everything in that story were exaggerated - it lingers in my mind because of that.

It expresses to me the extreme of us, how we indulge ourselves when we like something even when it poison us, rot us from within we will never notice until it takes our very life away. Yeah, ADDICTION - that constant craving - it's so SWEET.

Of course, I learn something new while watching the show.

Grand Guignol — was a theatre in the Pigalle area of Paris (at 20 bis, rue Chaptal). From its opening in 1897 until its closing in 1962 it specialized in naturalistic horror shows. How interesting....I particularly like the reason why the theatre close down.

The Theatre director says "Before the war, everyone felt that what was happening onstage was impossible. Now we know that these things, and worse, are possible in reality" - how funny is that?? lol

Do note this movie does have extreme gore, thus not advice for the weak hearted.